Fun sized for your mouth.

So in the segment mini review Juniors I try and sum up a game in around 3 sentences then apply a score that is not only meaningless to you, but you’ll just ignore anyway.

Gears of War 2 (Xbox 360): The biggest dudes possible, driving the biggest truck possible, into the biggest worm possible, then creating the biggest explosion possible. While the game is utterly ridiculous, completely over the top, and the most fun co-op I’ve experienced in recent memory , if this game had a few more fist bumps it would be the ultimate bro beat off action fantasy. 16 out of 20 Keg Stands.

DJ Hero (PS3): For me this was the most disappointing game of ’09. Getting another game from Activision, with another plastic instrument that doesn’t feel intuitive, I can’t just scratch like a mad man, and there is nothing but mash ups, which are ridiculously hit or miss. Feeling ridged and forced, the flow of the screen commands and controller movements feel as smooth as herpes. 3 Dumbs out of 11 Derfs.

Saints Row 2 (Xbox 360): One of the most addictive games I’ve played in a while and for all the right reasons. Some of the most fun I’ve had with an open world sandbox game, and at 20 dollars a must own for anyone who enjoys them. Too much to do! 72 Shotgun blasts out of 84 Nut Shots.

Mad World (Wii): The most violent game on the Wii to date, and with your bare hands you tear enemies apart or dissect them with your chainsaw fist of justice. Ridiculous mini games, and over the top action sequences this is one of the few reasons to own a Wii. Gets a little boring towards the last 4/5’s of the game however.  6 Blood Splatters out of 7 Noir Tough Guys.

Viva Pinata (Xbox 360): In one of the most depressingly addictive games that turns any man into a gardening pinata collecting fruit cakes, or the other way around. 7 awkward confessions to Dad out of 13 Mom’s going to be disappointed.

Oh Horstachio, I wish I could quit you.

Culdcept Saga (Xbox 360): An amazing, yet frustrating at times fusion of Magic:The Gathering and Monopoly. It’s like combining Peanut Butter and Chocolate, then having some dick named Reese steal it and put his name on it. 33 Blue Mana out of 40 Trap Cards.

Rocket Knight Adventures Remake (Xbox 360): Rocket Knight Adventures? More like Rocket Boners Downhill Jamboree. This game had most of the spirit of the original, but alas it felt cheap, and phoned in. Here’s hoping they do it better next time. 56 Grunts out of 82 Whistles.


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